Landing back in Vancouver recently marked the beginning of my summer vacation and end of my first year at NYU. That being said, I feel like I am still in a transitional, oddly purgatorial state – not completely having left school but not being completely free of it.
First, I have yet to receive my exam grade. Grade, singular. I actually only had one exam and I felt like it went pretty well but until I actually see the grade there will always be a small voice in the back of my head that subtly suggests, “You failed it”. So there’s that. Also I’m not yet free of the physical effects of school. Simply put, I am tired. Yesterday I fell asleep on a chair in a store. I went shopping with my mom and sister but apparently they abandoned me soon after I fell asleep. I imagine I looked very frightening – a random man, asleep in a woman’s retail store. Eventually they found me and bought me sushi and I felt better but I still feel slightly confused. If I am home, why is school such a big part of my life? Not to mention all the friends I left back in New York and coming back to all the friends I had left here last fall. Very strange indeed.
I kind of feel like one of those impoverished aristocrats at the beginning of Chekov’s The Cherry Orchard – minus the cherry orchard and the over mortgaged house. I guess those were two pretty integral parts of the story and in reality, my situation bears little resemblance to The Cherry Orchard. But I like that play and using it as an example helps reinforce the idea that I got all the questions about Stanislavski and the Moscow Art Theater correct on my final exam – which I still think I might have failed.